Over the years, I had quite a few run ins with editors, reviewers and critics.
It stands to reason; what I do is what I do and that is not to everyone's taste, I understand that.
There is a particularly bizarre form of helpful advice for "improving my manuscripts" which I come across every so often and which really does my head in when it happens, and it works like this.
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For example, I've just written a novel called Vampire Solstice, which relies on the interplay of the main group of characters, ten in all.
If you haven't read this yet, think of these people as "the 7 samurai" plus their boss and his wife. That's the story, that's what it is.
So someone comes in and offers me good advice, along the lines of this.
We'll take out six of the seven samurai because we don't need them. We'll make the leader evil instead of good, and his best friend can become a virgin girl he's engaged to. The boss's wife can be a private detective. "You make those changes, and it'll work ..."
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE WHEN IT'S AT HOME!
Please!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST REJECT MY NOVEL!
Just say that it isn't what you want to read, say, "Just take that away, it doesn't work for me!"
That would make some sense, and we'd both be on our way, happy in our own unfoldments.
You just can't do that to a FINISHED work of art - it doesn't make any sense, that's not improving it, or editing it, or polishing it.
It's totally destroying it and in it's place, something totally different that IS NOT THE ORIGINAL STORY comes into being.
Now I appreciate that this sort of nonsense is happening in Hollywood all the time, but it is truly INSANE, stupid, doesn't work and is exactly the sort of process that produces EXACTLY the kind of box office DROSS that we have become way too used to putting up with.
This manouvre is like taking Lord of the Rings, and saying, "Well, we'll get rid of the elves, we won't need any hobbits, Sauromon isn't a sympathetic character, he can become a busty waitress in a small roadside cafe, and we'll replace the orcs with ... hm, let me see now, yeah, cuddly small pigs and frogs. Oh yeah, and we'll change the title - we can call it The Muppet Show!"
"That'll work!"
!"£$%!!!
NO IT WON'T!
Whatever you end up with at the end of this process is NOT an edition or a version or an improvement of the original - it is something altogether what the original wasn't, and didn't want to be.
Personally, I've had these kinds of "suggestions for improvement" given to me enough times now that I recognise the underlying pattern of "destroying the original message and story completely" right away; so when it happens yet again that well meaning editors and publishers hold out a contract and suggest "a few minor changes ... and then we'll publish it ..." I just tell them to write their own goddamned books and leave mine alone, and walk away.
However, there is lemonade in this lemon handed to authors on a far too frequent basis.
We can go and turn it around and make this insanity into a workable creativity pattern to produce A BRAND NEW AND ENTIRELY COHESIVE STORY.
We can start with something we really don't like.
Pick any movie, any book, any short story that you wish hadn't seen/read/experienced.
Let's say, for argument's sake, Lord of the Flies.
Now, change it so it becomes more to your personal liking and preference.
An island is pretty boring, so we'll set the story in New York.
Can't be doing with a bunch of boys, I'll prefer older men, in suits, rich and powerful. And let's have some women too, while we're there.
Sitting around on an island and hunting isn't what I like to do, I like to go to the theatre, so our group of rich and interesting and goodlooking people have something to do with the theatre and entertainment.
Being cut off from civilisation, no, that doesn't work for me ... let's have them be involved in global media production.
I like a bit of a conspiracy, so ...
And Lord of the Flies isn't a good title, so I think we'll name it, hm, let's see ... ah! I know! Immortal Control. Cause they're immortal and have controlled all fashion and media and public opinion since the dawn of time. AND they're all extraterrestrials ...
There we go.
A film script to go-go.
In under five minutes.
And Lord Of The Flies can stay just what it is, and no-one is hurt in the making of either.
Over and out,
SFX
Silvia Hartmann
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